[ She huffs, but the answer is worth the question. A 'lovely woman,' wow... has she ever been called that before? She definitely doesn't have a puppy crush or anything of the sort. ]
Hythlodaeus has. Briefly. He seemed fond, too.
[ Hard to say given the circumstances of their conversation, but Phainon was mentioned! ]
I've seen you in your purple and yellow ensembles is what that means.
[ When he settles, Cipher does too. She shifts to lay on her stomach, hip to hip with Phainon so she's close enough to still pet his hair. It is nice. Whatever this is. ]
... I don't know what I've enjoyed the most. Everything's been pretty great. [ A non-answer. But how does she tell him that the best part of this place is the freedom from expectations? How she's practically a nobody here. Not a Chrysos Heir, a demigod, the Wind of Dolos, not a thief nor a hero - just a contestant on some freaky reality show.
The expectations of her were nothing compared to what their world wanted from Phainon. ]
[ At least not now that Aglaea had taken charge of most of them.
It is nice, to not have expectations. Phainon has had to explain to a handful of people what his golden blood means, but beyond that… There is nothing he must do other than be himself. He is fulfilling a role here, settling into a vessel of pleasure to earn his wish, but outside of that…
He isn’t the Deliverer to anyone but his dearest friends, and he doesn’t mind being that for them. He’s never minded. ]
If he’s being honest, he knows what he’d say. He also knows what she’d say about it, and that makes him hesitant. They’re being real and true here, though, and he doesn’t want to ruin that, not when she’ll be able to pluck the lie out of him.
Instead, he leans back, cheeks a darker gold. ]
When I was leashed, Mydeimos and I bathed together. I enjoyed that.
[ Okay, now Cipher shrieks in delight. There's that cute blush again and THANK THE TITANS. ]
For real?! Ugh, I'm kinda jealous! I need Miss Lenore to collar me... [ or collar her again, depending on how that thread plays out She leans into Phainon, making up for the space he put between them. Her chest presses against his arm. ]
That's my answer, by the way. [ She rushes that out. ] What did you enjoy about it??
[ It's Cipher's turn to flush a brilliant gold. Between hearing that Lenore likes her, Phainon arm around her and the warmth of his body, and his following question, there's plenty for her to blush about. She's content.
She's sure in some cycles there were times she felt like that. When she gave everything up and let herself be led by some person who didn't matter in the long run.
She's felt like that in Decadia, too. It was so easy to fall into Cat King's touch. Let Lenore have her way with her. And -
Cipher nuzzles into Phainon’s neck, her long lashes fluttering against his warm skin there as she closes her eyes. ]
Sure I have. Mydeimos really does make it feel easy.
[ Phainon draws her close, lets her cuddle into him, holding her gently. It’s as if she’s a prized gift, something to cherish and keep safe, and in his eyes? She is. He had fought millions of lifetimes to ensure her joy and happiness, to make her wishes come true.
It takes a moment for her words to process, his hand stroking along the curve of her spine, and as they do… He breathes out softly.
It’s obvious what she means. Phainon was under no illusion that Mydeimos had been making his own place here, enjoying himself - he’d seen it when they’d returned from the ball. He had crawled into his bed and worshipped him for the sake of being the last to do it, a desire he had refused to examine. There’s something about knowing that he and Cipher had been together too, that the same safety Mydeimos offered him was also given to another…
It stings, in a way he doesn’t allow himself to dwell on.
Instead, he hums softly, fingers resting against the small of her back, eyes a little distant. He thinks his tone is measured enough that she won’t be able to tell, but knowing her…
Phainon just smiles. ]
He is remarkably skilled at that, for all his brutish nature!
Cipher is quiet for a long moment, her eyes still closed. She is not going to dwell. She is not going to make assumptions of Phainon again. However, she needs him to know something.
She hefts herself up on her forearms, caging Phainon between them (as much as she can given their size difference) so she can hover half over him. Her chest is now to his, and she leans in close so there's nowhere for him to run. She's nose to nose with him. ]
Mm. He didn't tell me what to do; it was easy because it was something we had to do. We hardly had a choice. [ She licks her lips. ] Not that I wouldn't want to have sex with him again [ Because, Titans, she does want to. ] but with the aphrodisiacs, and... he was going to make a fool of himself at the ball.
[ Phainon stares at her, and tries to wrestle his emotions back into place.
He doesn’t need Cipher to soothe him, as if he’s heartbroken. He knows what they’re here for, and what they’ve agreed to do. Anything he shares with Mydeimos is part of that understanding, of a desperation to make a wish come true. It’s the first wish he’s ever made for himself, and even then it’s for the benefit of others.
It shouldn’t matter to him who Mydeimos sleeps with. Especially not if it is Cipher, who remains important to them both. ]
You should sleep with him again. [ His mind settles on that, it seems. ] Choice or otherwise. He’d take good care of you, and that is what you deserve.
[ Phainon knows from first hand experience, after all.
It’s wrong, to feel so sour and upset when he has been equally as open with his affections, sharing himself with other people. He shoves it aside, emotions unworthy of the good heart his friends have; he has no right for envy or jealousy. He barely had the right to call them a friend. ]
[ Cipher opens her mouth. Closes it. Takes a breath through her nose. ]
I will sleep with him again. If I want to. [ She can't believe that's what he got from what she said. But, fine. Fine, fine, fine, fine, fine. Is that what he wants her to say? That she'll sleep with Mydei again, and love every minute of it? Like the hurt isn't clear on his face?
Weren't they both supposed to be honest? ]
... Can I tell you my wish? A free truth.
[ As if they're still playing their game. As if she gives anything away for free. ]
His jealousy isn’t right. It isn’t fair. He flirts and teases other people and he buries his feelings away, shoves them somewhere deep, deep down where no one can look at them. He feels the fire of a blazing dawn in his heart and remembers millions of deaths at his own hands, and he breaks a little more.
Who else would be a cage for Irontomb other than a man with so much grief and anger in him? He had fought against an Aeon and failed. He had tried to save his friends and failed. He had tried to be a Deliverer, and had given the mantle to another. Sometimes, he felt less a man and more a shell.
Emotion makes his throat tight, and he gazes at Cipher. He wonders if she sees Phainon or Khaslana in his gaze; if she sees the man or the monster he made himself. ]
[ She doesn't want to. But she will, because she does see Phainon there under her. It's only ever been Phainon. ]
I wished for Aggy. To just- be with her for as long as I can. Because I don't trust myself to not ruin the chance that Era Nova has given us. That you gave us, idiot.
[ Cipher has longed to be by Aglaea's side, to be worthy of her, every cycle. Every single cycle. But she's fallen short every time. And in trying to prove herself beyond her means, too desperately, she's always pushed Aglaea away as far as she can get. She doesn't know if she knows how to just exist with her anymore.
To be happy, and not overcompensate, or compare herself to Hysilens or Tribbie or even - ] Phainon. I'm here to help you, too.
[ Phainon doesn’t understand - he can’t, because he can’t let himself believe that she knows, that she recognises. It’s easy to rationalise it was Deliverance, or his role as the Worldbearer, or something adjacent. For her to admit to such a soft, sweet wish, for her to admit to the tenderness she holds inside herself… It means something, and he can’t ignore it. He can’t turn his eyes away from her.
He knows, intimately, that she isn’t lying. Cipher has a reputation, has a role, just like he does, but there’s no trickery here. They’re both leaning mantles behind today.
One of his hands lifts, the one he’d had cut from him at the end of one cycle and birth of the next, and he dips her cheek so gently, as if he’s worried she might break. The tears are there in his eyes now, because he understands.
Oh, he understands, and isn’t that just the worst burden to bear? ]
I didn’t realise you… [ Knew. Felt that way. He’s not sure.
He closes his eyes, shudders through a breath. ]
It isn’t me, Cipher. I’m not the one who will save us. Our friend from the stars… It’s their fate.
[ He can’t open his eyes, can’t look at her. Feels the deep well of his grief too deeply. ]
I hope they grant you that wish. That you and Lady Aglaea find your happiness with one another, as you deserve.
[ Cipher leans into his palm; the touch grounds her when she otherwise feels like she's falling apart. Spilling her guts to him. She shakes her head.
"He likely thinks he's unworthy." That's what Mydei had said but, gods, it's so much more than that, isn't it? ]
Gray Mystery may have turned the page, but no one else could have done what you did. And if it weren't for you, that last cycle wouldn't have happened. You can't give them all the credit.
[ She touches her forehead to his. It's unfortunate that she has to drop this bomb on him like this, but it's important that he knows. Like it's the only way she'll get through to him. ]
Do you understand? We would not be here without you. I would not have this chance at a wish if it weren't for you. So why can't you be honest, too?
[ Phainon is truly running out of words, not sure what to say or how to fill the quiet, the silence. It hangs between them, and he draws Cipher close, holding onto her as if she’s a tender thing that might break. It’s so strange to him, thinking that she’s been aware this whole time, that she’s known and never changed now she speaks to him.
He’s too afraid to ask the obvious question. Too afraid to cross that final line, and wonder who else knows the truth of things.
Instead, both of his arms hold onto her, one around her waist and one against her cheek, and he lets his tears come, the emotions bubbling through him. Phainon feels weak and fragile, but filled with the need to be strong, to be good, to overcome it all.
To make her wish come true.
It’s obvious he has no idea what to say to her, breathless. ]
Cipher, I don’t… I’m not sure how. All this time, all these memories, I was only… I only wanted to save you all. To give you a future, a new dawn. Nothing else mattered beyond that.
But you're learning, right? This place... [ She laughs, but it's dry. ] this place might be the best way for you to learn.
[ To be honest. To want. To be selfish. She's already proud of him for the little that he has confessed to. Even if it's blatantly obvious that he's still omitting the truth of his feelings about Mydei.
Cipher melts into his hold. The exhaustion of this conversation suddenly sweeping over her; this was not her intention when she first showed up. And she doesn't have much left to say to Phainon either. Her throat works over a couple more achingly honest sentiments she could say. He's done well. He saved them all. He should be included in that. Save himself.
Instead, she noses once more into his palm, then his cheek. Lets herself be held and holds Phainon in return. Kisses by the corners of his eyes, stealing away his tears before they carve further down his face, licking his wounds the only way she knows how. ]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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Lenore, Cat King. I've had some fun teasing a cute, little peach. [ She means Ritsuka. ] And the little prince, and you of course.
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[ Missing the point, obviously. ]
But Lenore did mention you, so you clearly made an impression.
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[ Hold on to your butts, people - but wait. Cipher leans into his space. ]
She mentioned me?? Did it sound like a good impression??
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That's your question! She called you a 'lovely woman'. It sounded positive.
[ Leaning back, he puts an arm behind his head. ]
Has anyone spoken about me?
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Hythlodaeus has. Briefly. He seemed fond, too.
[ Hard to say given the circumstances of their conversation, but Phainon was mentioned! ]
Is there anyone you want to be speaking of you~ ?
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[ There goes that blush again, and he looks away so she doesn’t interrogate him over it.
At her question… ]
Only him, and the Cat King, I suppose. Or the Lady Zelda.
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So, she lets him look away and instead moves to play with his hair. She scratches his scalp, behind his ears, gentle. ]
I see! Glad to see you have better taste in companions than some other things.
Your turn.
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[ He does lean into the touch to his hair, letting himself settle, comfortable.
It’s nice. It feels nice. Comfortable. Easy. ]
That isn’t my question, though. Hmm… What have you enjoyed the most?
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[ When he settles, Cipher does too. She shifts to lay on her stomach, hip to hip with Phainon so she's close enough to still pet his hair. It is nice. Whatever this is. ]
... I don't know what I've enjoyed the most. Everything's been pretty great. [ A non-answer. But how does she tell him that the best part of this place is the freedom from expectations? How she's practically a nobody here. Not a Chrysos Heir, a demigod, the Wind of Dolos, not a thief nor a hero - just a contestant on some freaky reality show.
The expectations of her were nothing compared to what their world wanted from Phainon. ]
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[ At least not now that Aglaea had taken charge of most of them.
It is nice, to not have expectations. Phainon has had to explain to a handful of people what his golden blood means, but beyond that… There is nothing he must do other than be himself. He is fulfilling a role here, settling into a vessel of pleasure to earn his wish, but outside of that…
He isn’t the Deliverer to anyone but his dearest friends, and he doesn’t mind being that for them. He’s never minded. ]
Mm. I understand. It’s not been too bad, has it?
[ His eyes are softer as he looks at her. ]
Your turn.
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Cipher hums in agreement. ] Not bad at all. But, same question. Surely there's something you've enjoyed most?
[ A gentle question before she starts being nosy again. ]
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[ Phainon looks a little sheepish.
If he’s being honest, he knows what he’d say. He also knows what she’d say about it, and that makes him hesitant. They’re being real and true here, though, and he doesn’t want to ruin that, not when she’ll be able to pluck the lie out of him.
Instead, he leans back, cheeks a darker gold. ]
When I was leashed, Mydeimos and I bathed together. I enjoyed that.
[ He laughs, sheepish. ]
Who would you like to spend more time with…?
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For real?! Ugh, I'm kinda jealous! I need Miss Lenore to collar me... [
or collar her again, depending on how that thread plays outShe leans into Phainon, making up for the space he put between them. Her chest presses against his arm. ]That's my answer, by the way. [ She rushes that out. ] What did you enjoy about it??
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[ Phainon lifts his arm, wrapping it around her and pulling her close.
The question makes him pause, hesitating briefly before he sighs, soft and quiet. ]
I suppose it was because it was easy. Mydeimos told me what to do, and I did it. There were no expectations? Have you felt like that before?
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She's sure in some cycles there were times she felt like that. When she gave everything up and let herself be led by some person who didn't matter in the long run.
She's felt like that in Decadia, too. It was so easy to fall into Cat King's touch. Let Lenore have her way with her. And -
Cipher nuzzles into Phainon’s neck, her long lashes fluttering against his warm skin there as she closes her eyes. ]
Sure I have. Mydeimos really does make it feel easy.
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It takes a moment for her words to process, his hand stroking along the curve of her spine, and as they do… He breathes out softly.
It’s obvious what she means. Phainon was under no illusion that Mydeimos had been making his own place here, enjoying himself - he’d seen it when they’d returned from the ball. He had crawled into his bed and worshipped him for the sake of being the last to do it, a desire he had refused to examine. There’s something about knowing that he and Cipher had been together too, that the same safety Mydeimos offered him was also given to another…
It stings, in a way he doesn’t allow himself to dwell on.
Instead, he hums softly, fingers resting against the small of her back, eyes a little distant. He thinks his tone is measured enough that she won’t be able to tell, but knowing her…
Phainon just smiles. ]
He is remarkably skilled at that, for all his brutish nature!
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Cipher is quiet for a long moment, her eyes still closed. She is not going to dwell. She is not going to make assumptions of Phainon again. However, she needs him to know something.
She hefts herself up on her forearms, caging Phainon between them (as much as she can given their size difference) so she can hover half over him. Her chest is now to his, and she leans in close so there's nowhere for him to run. She's nose to nose with him. ]
Mm. He didn't tell me what to do; it was easy because it was something we had to do. We hardly had a choice. [ She licks her lips. ] Not that I wouldn't want to have sex with him again [ Because, Titans, she does want to. ] but with the aphrodisiacs, and... he was going to make a fool of himself at the ball.
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He doesn’t need Cipher to soothe him, as if he’s heartbroken. He knows what they’re here for, and what they’ve agreed to do. Anything he shares with Mydeimos is part of that understanding, of a desperation to make a wish come true. It’s the first wish he’s ever made for himself, and even then it’s for the benefit of others.
It shouldn’t matter to him who Mydeimos sleeps with. Especially not if it is Cipher, who remains important to them both. ]
You should sleep with him again. [ His mind settles on that, it seems. ] Choice or otherwise. He’d take good care of you, and that is what you deserve.
[ Phainon knows from first hand experience, after all.
It’s wrong, to feel so sour and upset when he has been equally as open with his affections, sharing himself with other people. He shoves it aside, emotions unworthy of the good heart his friends have; he has no right for envy or jealousy. He barely had the right to call them a friend. ]
And I am glad you were there to help each other.
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I will sleep with him again. If I want to. [ She can't believe that's what he got from what she said. But, fine. Fine, fine, fine, fine, fine. Is that what he wants her to say? That she'll sleep with Mydei again, and love every minute of it? Like the hurt isn't clear on his face?
Weren't they both supposed to be honest? ]
... Can I tell you my wish? A free truth.
[ As if they're still playing their game. As if she gives anything away for free. ]
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[ Phainon doesn’t want to think about the hurt.
His jealousy isn’t right. It isn’t fair. He flirts and teases other people and he buries his feelings away, shoves them somewhere deep, deep down where no one can look at them. He feels the fire of a blazing dawn in his heart and remembers millions of deaths at his own hands, and he breaks a little more.
Who else would be a cage for Irontomb other than a man with so much grief and anger in him? He had fought against an Aeon and failed. He had tried to save his friends and failed. He had tried to be a Deliverer, and had given the mantle to another. Sometimes, he felt less a man and more a shell.
Emotion makes his throat tight, and he gazes at Cipher. He wonders if she sees Phainon or Khaslana in his gaze; if she sees the man or the monster he made himself. ]
You can tell me, if you want to.
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I wished for Aggy. To just- be with her for as long as I can. Because I don't trust myself to not ruin the chance that Era Nova has given us. That you gave us, idiot.
[ Cipher has longed to be by Aglaea's side, to be worthy of her, every cycle. Every single cycle. But she's fallen short every time. And in trying to prove herself beyond her means, too desperately, she's always pushed Aglaea away as far as she can get. She doesn't know if she knows how to just exist with her anymore.
To be happy, and not overcompensate, or compare herself to Hysilens or Tribbie or even - ] Phainon. I'm here to help you, too.
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[ Phainon doesn’t understand - he can’t, because he can’t let himself believe that she knows, that she recognises. It’s easy to rationalise it was Deliverance, or his role as the Worldbearer, or something adjacent. For her to admit to such a soft, sweet wish, for her to admit to the tenderness she holds inside herself… It means something, and he can’t ignore it. He can’t turn his eyes away from her.
He knows, intimately, that she isn’t lying. Cipher has a reputation, has a role, just like he does, but there’s no trickery here. They’re both leaning mantles behind today.
One of his hands lifts, the one he’d had cut from him at the end of one cycle and birth of the next, and he dips her cheek so gently, as if he’s worried she might break. The tears are there in his eyes now, because he understands.
Oh, he understands, and isn’t that just the worst burden to bear? ]
I didn’t realise you… [ Knew. Felt that way. He’s not sure.
He closes his eyes, shudders through a breath. ]
It isn’t me, Cipher. I’m not the one who will save us. Our friend from the stars… It’s their fate.
[ He can’t open his eyes, can’t look at her. Feels the deep well of his grief too deeply. ]
I hope they grant you that wish. That you and Lady Aglaea find your happiness with one another, as you deserve.
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"He likely thinks he's unworthy." That's what Mydei had said but, gods, it's so much more than that, isn't it? ]
Gray Mystery may have turned the page, but no one else could have done what you did. And if it weren't for you, that last cycle wouldn't have happened. You can't give them all the credit.
[ She touches her forehead to his. It's unfortunate that she has to drop this bomb on him like this, but it's important that he knows. Like it's the only way she'll get through to him. ]
Do you understand? We would not be here without you. I would not have this chance at a wish if it weren't for you. So why can't you be honest, too?
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He’s too afraid to ask the obvious question. Too afraid to cross that final line, and wonder who else knows the truth of things.
Instead, both of his arms hold onto her, one around her waist and one against her cheek, and he lets his tears come, the emotions bubbling through him. Phainon feels weak and fragile, but filled with the need to be strong, to be good, to overcome it all.
To make her wish come true.
It’s obvious he has no idea what to say to her, breathless. ]
Cipher, I don’t… I’m not sure how. All this time, all these memories, I was only… I only wanted to save you all. To give you a future, a new dawn. Nothing else mattered beyond that.
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[ To be honest. To want. To be selfish. She's already proud of him for the little that he has confessed to. Even if it's blatantly obvious that he's still omitting the truth of his feelings about Mydei.
Cipher melts into his hold. The exhaustion of this conversation suddenly sweeping over her; this was not her intention when she first showed up. And she doesn't have much left to say to Phainon either. Her throat works over a couple more achingly honest sentiments she could say. He's done well. He saved them all. He should be included in that. Save himself.
Instead, she noses once more into his palm, then his cheek. Lets herself be held and holds Phainon in return. Kisses by the corners of his eyes, stealing away his tears before they carve further down his face, licking his wounds the only way she knows how. ]
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